Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
