I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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