Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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