I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
