i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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