Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
