He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
