singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
