you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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