Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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