Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
