Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
