Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
