If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
