How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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