IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
