my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
