so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
