she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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