Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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