My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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