I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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