did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
