so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
