He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
