I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
