Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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