I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
