I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
