just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
