well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So much rum. So many feels.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
