Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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