just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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