i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
