he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
