Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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