I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
