Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
