hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
