She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
