There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
