Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
