Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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