would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Shame - the story of my life.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
