hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
