i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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