do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
