Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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