i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I did not marry a roomba.
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