Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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